Spam As Folk Art

One Day, I Would Enact a Commercial Loan

Leonard — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:04:00 GMT

My weblog gets quite a few spam comments for financial services, written in a stilted style and thesaurized vocabulary that reminds me of a young child playing dress-up, or a space alien in a rubber human-shaped suit. Some gems:

Some time ago, I did need to buy a good house for my corporation but I didn't have enough money and couldn't buy anything. Thank goodness my fellow proposed to take the loans at reliable bank. Therefore, I acted so and was happy with my commercial loan.

This is known that cash makes people free. But how to act when one has no cash? The only one way is to get the mortgage loans and just credit loan.

"Details you asked for."

Brendan — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:50:39 GMT

I got an unsolicited message from a nonexistent domain this morning, with that subject line and this body:

Recipe for great BBQ Sauce:

INGREDIENTS
1 quart apple cider vinegar
1 (20 ounce) bottle ketchup
1/4 cup paprika
1 pound dark brown sugar
1/4 cup salt
1 tablespoon black pepper
2 tablespoons red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup lemon juice

DIRECTIONS
In a large container, mix together the apple cider vinegar, ketchup, paprika, brown sugar, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, garlic powder, Worcestershire sauce and lemon juice. Pour into an empty vinegar bottle, ketchup bottle or other container and store in the refrigerator for up to 1 month.

That's it. No links, no attachments, no images, no hidden HTML. There isn't even anything funny in the headers. Presumably this was just a live throwaway test of some new botnet, but it looks pretty good!

What do we think the recipe actually produces: good sauce, bad sauce, hidden messages, crystal meth? And if it really does produce sauce, how does it taste on... Spam?

Warning!

Kevan — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:48:33 GMT

Every extra inch gives her extra chance for reaching final destination.
And that's why you'll never catch her, Achilles.
Warning! Our watches are extremely cheap.
No, wait, I mean "Welcome!"
It will be difficult to take the eyes off your watch.
Here, pass me that penknife.
Only a healthy person can live a complete life.
A healthy, dead person.
Our watch will look great even on any loser.
Thanks, guys.
Feel 10 years younger in bed today
With this Transformers quilt cover.
We have invented cheap designer watches.
I don't think it works like that.
No watch will be able to compete with yours.
Progresses through 24 hours in just five minutes.
You need more blood to make your penis bigger?
Uh, no, thanks, I'm fine for blood.
Potion for perfect bouncing!
Will you please leave your pick-axe outside?

New Host For This Leech

Sumana — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:56:46 GMT

The blog's now moved to harihareswara.net, and we'll have fewer problems from now on (I hope) with the server being all YOU CAN'T POST THAT IT'S SPAMMY. To kick things off: now that I've seen the subject line "such a strong positive effect on your dude-pole," I'll be hard-pressed to avoid using "dude-pole" in mixed company.

Gotta have my yield, man!

Leonard — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 23:21:46 GMT

Every once in a while I think about adding a mode to The Eater of Meaning that replaces words with their thesaurus equivalents. I never end up doing it because it's too much work. But spammers do it!

If you indigence to lock in a incessant monthly income stream from your portfolio, then it's time to overlook your investments. Thanks to the introduction of a relatively new assets, there's a whole new world of weekly income just waiting for you. Thouthands of investors are already using these untrodden ways to beget a bulky dividends weekly.
For income junkies, there's nothing sweeter than a continuous yield. So if you experience a impassion from cashing a huge swarm of earnings, then you're missing discernible on some of the highest profit on the planet. I'm speaking about what has been the most distinguished financial alteration -

Abnormality Incurvature Coparceny

Kevan — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:18:29 GMT

Prostatitis turned you into furniture? Try Viagra Professional!
For a deep mahogany shine.
She will say ,You are the man of my dreams!, to you!
You then exit stage right.
Your loyal watch will never ever leave you.
We won't let those assassins get you, emperor.
We know the way to quit the aging process.
Death.
Being a man is very easy no matter how old you are.
Well, unless you're a child. Or female.
We will deliver your watch exactly where you ask.
Honestly, it's fine on my wrist here.
Jeff said to Email you
I see, so all this is Jeff's fault...
Trendy watches for every mood.
Except "self-conscious unfashionability".
Infection attacks! Fight back!
You die...
don't let food be your greatest concern.
You should really be worrying about sexual performance.
Get Noticed with a sexy Acai Burn body
At your local accident and emergency ward.
Smoking kills! And if you prefer to stay alive,ask us for our help.
Dr Vinnie will be round for your first protection payment on Friday.
Equip your battleship with main caliber population abnormality incurvature coparceny
I think your thesaurus just caught fire.
Produce a dream performance in bed
Go to sleep.
Every inch of your tool will be screaming about your manhood.
You yourself may also be screaming.
I ran out of traffic.
I told you not to run into it.
Tell me what you suffer from and we will find appropriate pills.
Well, I'm getting a lot of spam at the moment.

Fairy Tales Can Come Wha?

Sumana — Sun, 03 May 2009 19:42:46 GMT

A retelling of "The Three Little Pigs" I had not seen before.

Or yes

Kevan — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:35:18 GMT

Subject: The offer you can not say no to! From: no reply <mrlkivcmsd@xxxxxxxxxxx.com>

Viagra vs Cialis

Kevan — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:40:53 GMT

Do you require email marketing quotes?
Why, yes! Welcome to Spam As Folk Art!
If you weren't blessed, we can fix that problem.
It's a bug in the altar code, the DevTeam are working on it.
Viagra vs Cialis effective
Take both, let them fight it out.
Become her megadriller
She can never get past the ghosts on Level 8.
Look like you have just walked out of the trendy store.
Stand right in front of the door, and when you see someone approaching, step forward.
Find new employment.
That's a harsh way to break it to me, boss.
Feel the juice flow and grow bigger than ever
The Blob II: The Juice
Hello not the man familiar to me!
*sigh* Hello, Agent X.
So large you will have to change your underwear
Terrifyingly large.
A classy watch is screaming about a sophisticated taste of his owner.
Would sir mind turning his watch down? It's disturbing the other diners.
Don't be the butt of fat jokes
Ha ha, "butt", get it?
RE: Your Job is at stake.
Get that kindling lit.
Work for you! Now!
Looks like that temp-agency SWAT team has arrived.
The stars use this
Delicious thermonuclear fusion.
Welcome to the world of big monsters in pants and big possibilities!
Abandoned dialogue from Jurassic Park's first draft.
When you are slim and fit it is easier to find your soul mate.
Easier to catch, I mean.
Dreaming of being sound asleep? It?s easy with Xenax!
And really confusing.

Leonard — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 13:12:14 GMT

Funny spammer names are somewhat passé, but recently I got spam from "Chastity Hughes". The subject: "Intercourse."

This Generic Tablet

Kevan — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 12:53:49 GMT

Stop fighting with your male friend and start taking the blue pill.
Let's just get this film over with, Neo.
She will want to give you the head right under the table in a restaurant.
In a black plastic bag. Have the cash ready in used bills.
Get more confidence with our amazing product!
Our advertising department are addicted to it!
Your big male thing will support you in any situation.
... Any situation?
Downloads of the Programs!
In cinemas this Friday.
If you want to be a real man - be him!
That guy over there. No, the one in the grey jacket.
Your body will resist any other watch than a Submariner.
We cut a deal with government innoculation programmes in '86.
This is your best roll
Don't forget you get a +1 bonus from the amulet.
Tired of being kidded about your limited dimensions?
Hey, Flatlander, what's up?
Your wrist is screaming for a new watch.
This thick leather strap should muffle it.
Real diplomats wear only Submariner SS watches.
Because diplomatic immunity covers public indecency laws.
Get a supernatural power by taking this generic tablet.
That's not much of a backstory.

Photocopier Quotes

Kevan — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 12:59:58 GMT

Distance education program!
Now, get out your tape measures, class.
fool get out of credit card debt
Part with your money, and fast.
video craps
Yes, sorry sir, we've had some problems with that model.
Famous branded timepieces for a song
Product placement is artistically acceptable these days.
Do you require photocopier quotes?
"ERROR 203 - OUT OF TONER", "ERROR 372 - PAPER FEED JAM"
the blackjack phone
0207 4365... bust!
We find your resume on Career Builder
Thanks, but I'm sure I can find it myself.
Now nothing can affect your abilities in bed.
Throw away your bed.
Your stamina and power won't stop amazing women.
Nothing can defeat my army of amazing women.
Magic wand? No, just magic pill!
Oh, well, that's much more plausible.

Pre-Thanksgiving SAFA

Sumana — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 16:24:53 GMT

Dutch funeral proves fatal
Kris, is that you?
10 things I like about luxury
For one, luxury.
Re: diamonds at a steal
Is Alec Guinness involved?
Enjoy your intimacy in the best possible way!
Cuddling!
Oyster Perpetual Cosmograph Daytona
Anacrusis challenge!
Finest krisha suggestion
The Bhagavad-Gita.
Guess what happens next
I always do.

A Formidable Team

Sumana — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 14:33:10 GMT

Leonard and I think that "branded time" and "world of clocks" come from David Foster Wallace and Batman's adversary the Clock King, respectively.

Epiphany

Sumana — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 14:24:30 GMT

"Sign your name with the finest pens ever made" causes me to grok the appeal of fine pens for the first time.