Spam As Folk Art

Mockworthy Recruiting Spam

Sumana — Mon, 28 May 2012 13:41:07 GMT

I feel the urge to complain about a particular kind of spam yet feel a little uncouth doing so on my main blog. So then I remembered: Spam As Folk Art! Hi, three people who still follow this feed.

If you were a tech recruiter seeking a project manager or community wrangler, I could see how I would pop up on your radar. I'm not interested -- I'm happy at the Wikimedia Foundation -- but at least I would understand.

But recruiters who think that I must be an engineer, because I've worked on GNOME and I have a GitHub account, make me laugh.

Case 1:

Subject: Hello from redacted name of big tech company!
From: redacted name native to South Asia
Hi Sumanah,
I hope you're well. I came across your profile in Gnome Outreach program.
I hope you're well. My name is redacted and I am a recruiter here at redacted.
I am writing to introduce myself and was wondering if you would be open to confidentially exploring engineering or management opportunities with redacted.
In the event that you're happily employed, but know of any engineers of your quality who may be on the market, please don't hesitate to pass along my contact information....

First: I will notice if you misspell my name. (And you have nearly no excuse, person with name native to the exact same part of India as mine!) Second: I can think of approximately 500 engineers of my "quality" who are on the job market, because I am not an engineer. Within GNOME I worked on marketing, GNOME Journal, documentation, bug triage, and project management.

Case 2:

Subject: Web Application Engineer
From: redacted name of recruiting firm
Hi Sumana,
Are you interested in a new job opportunity? We checked out some of your git repos and we found a job opportunity that fits your skills. Twitter in San Francisco is hiring web application engineers. ....

Yes, the and tags were in the original. Someone wasn't counting on people who read email in plain text. And my GitHub repo has exactly one item of interest (my update to someone's README file), and within Wikimedia's git repositories I've tested the system by adding some comments to an example extension. If that means that a web application engineer role at Twitter "fits my skills" then I am a tuna fish sandwich.

Bonus case:

Speaking of "wait, plaintext?":

Well hello there, and welcome to the latest Ticket Alternative newsletter!
You've opted to receive the text version which is really boring. You can't see any of the pretty pictures we've added or be wowed by the colorful design.
So, click the link at the top of this email to view the online version and we promise to make you smile....

Thanks for reminding me to unsubscribe from the "newsletter" for a service I only signed up for to buy one measly theater or concert ticket, Ticket Alternative! (Oh, and of course, there was no link to the online newsletter in the plaintext email.)

Plaintive

Sumana — Wed, 09 May 2012 10:51:55 GMT

Excerpt from comment spam today:

WHY DO YOU NEED TO FIND HER ASS ? SHE ISNT ANY DIFFERENT FROM EVERY OTHER HUMAN ON THE PLANET. HER ASS IS WHERE EVERONE ELSES IS.

I pity the spam target with a narrow monitor

Brendan — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 17:35:03 GMT

But good question, alibaba@service.alibaba.com; I wish I knew the answer.

Top-notch individual, human!

Sumana — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:36:53 GMT

Some blog comment spam reminds you of Tetsuo Milk. Some of Detective Dan Stark from The Good Guys. Some of The Middleman. And some, just straight-up alien and not even Alien.

Aspiration you content Year! Just maybe from your farm a multitude of on the other hand useful variables. Constructed individuals would really deliberate it their instruction pc had. I’m really definitely impressed that there is a bunch regarding it exposed which has been launched then you did it so sufficiently, with the much session. Top-notch individual, human! Special methods these.

"Sword lily"

Sumana — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:31:36 GMT

From blog comment spam:

You got a very great website, Sword lily I observed it through yahoo.

Leonard and I cannot figure out what "sword lily" means or useful synonyms for it or its components.

your authored material stylish

Sumana — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:40:20 GMT

A few choice blog comments:

Attractive portion of content. I simply stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to claim that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I'll be subscribing to your augment or even I success you access constantly rapidly.
Strange this post is totaly irrelevant to the search query I entered in google but it was listed on the first page. – I dont think anyone should write their autobiography until after theyre dead. – Samuel Goldwyn 1882 – 1974
I loved up to you'll obtain performed proper here. The caricature is attractive, your authored material stylish. nevertheless, you command get bought an nervousness over that you want be turning in the following. in poor health surely come more earlier once more as precisely the similar nearly very incessantly inside of case you shield this increase.

A Comment Spam Meditation on Death

Sumana — Wed, 04 May 2011 16:56:56 GMT

Mostly from Gulliver's Travels:

If they can avoid casualties, they die only of old age, and are buried in the most obscure places that can be found, their friends and relations expressing neither joy nor grief at their departure; nor does the dying person discover the least regret that he is leaving the world, any more than if he were upon returning home from a visit to one of his neighbors. I remember my master having once made an appointment with a friend and his family to come to his house upon some affair of importance, on the day fixed the mistress and her two children came very late; she made two excuses, first for her husband, who, as she said, happened that very morning to shnuwnh. The word is strongly expressive in their language, but not easily rendered into English; it signifies, to retire to his first mother. Her excuse for not coming sooner was that her husband dying late in the morning, she was a good while consulting her servants about a convenient place where his body should be laid; and I observed she behaved herself at our house as cheerfully as the rest, and died about three months after.
Compact backhoe

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

Sumana — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 19:24:13 GMT

Subject: Quezon South chose had

Current systems of classifying forms of life descend from the thought presented by the Greek philosopher Aristotle, who published in his metaphysical works the first known classification of everything whatsoever, or "being".
Smith, Vicki (2007), "Belize beckons with unspoiled Caribbean isles, friendly faces, rich marine life," The San Diego Union-Tribune, February 18, 2007, at SignOnSanDiego.

Rejected Titles For the Encyclopedia Britannica

Sumana — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 14:34:12 GMT

Subject line: Special discount for sumanah. music in the Encyclopedia leukemia

Subject Line Instructions

Sumana — Fri, 07 May 2010 08:07:47 GMT

"swallow several times to equalize the pressure. T"

Zap!

Sumana — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 16:36:57 GMT

Today's charming spam must have gotten through the filter because of its awesome subject:

glass of rocket juice. "I

The text came from Danger in Deep Space by Carey Rockwell, 1953, one of The Tom Corbett Space Cadet Stories. Excerpt:

Connel followed Roger and Tom to the control deck. Loring and Mason were still in the positions they were in when Tom had fired his paralo-ray. Connel took Tom's gun and switched to the neutralizer. He fired twice and the two men rose shakily to their feet. Connel faced them, his eyes burning.
"I'm going to say very little to you two space-crawling rats!" snapped Connel.

Illustrations include "I know we're going to be sent to the prison asteroid and we deserve it," said Loring and The jet cab raced along the highway to Venusport.

One Day, I Would Enact a Commercial Loan

Leonard — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:04:00 GMT

My weblog gets quite a few spam comments for financial services, written in a stilted style and thesaurized vocabulary that reminds me of a young child playing dress-up, or a space alien in a rubber human-shaped suit. Some gems:

Some time ago, I did need to buy a good house for my corporation but I didn't have enough money and couldn't buy anything. Thank goodness my fellow proposed to take the loans at reliable bank. Therefore, I acted so and was happy with my commercial loan.

This is known that cash makes people free. But how to act when one has no cash? The only one way is to get the mortgage loans and just credit loan.

"Details you asked for."

Brendan — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:50:39 GMT

I got an unsolicited message from a nonexistent domain this morning, with that subject line and this body:

Recipe for great BBQ Sauce:

INGREDIENTS
1 quart apple cider vinegar
1 (20 ounce) bottle ketchup
1/4 cup paprika
1 pound dark brown sugar
1/4 cup salt
1 tablespoon black pepper
2 tablespoons red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup lemon juice

DIRECTIONS
In a large container, mix together the apple cider vinegar, ketchup, paprika, brown sugar, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, garlic powder, Worcestershire sauce and lemon juice. Pour into an empty vinegar bottle, ketchup bottle or other container and store in the refrigerator for up to 1 month.

That's it. No links, no attachments, no images, no hidden HTML. There isn't even anything funny in the headers. Presumably this was just a live throwaway test of some new botnet, but it looks pretty good!

What do we think the recipe actually produces: good sauce, bad sauce, hidden messages, crystal meth? And if it really does produce sauce, how does it taste on... Spam?

Warning!

Kevan — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:48:33 GMT

Every extra inch gives her extra chance for reaching final destination.
And that's why you'll never catch her, Achilles.
Warning! Our watches are extremely cheap.
No, wait, I mean "Welcome!"
It will be difficult to take the eyes off your watch.
Here, pass me that penknife.
Only a healthy person can live a complete life.
A healthy, dead person.
Our watch will look great even on any loser.
Thanks, guys.
Feel 10 years younger in bed today
With this Transformers quilt cover.
We have invented cheap designer watches.
I don't think it works like that.
No watch will be able to compete with yours.
Progresses through 24 hours in just five minutes.
You need more blood to make your penis bigger?
Uh, no, thanks, I'm fine for blood.
Potion for perfect bouncing!
Will you please leave your pick-axe outside?

New Host For This Leech

Sumana — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:56:46 GMT

The blog's now moved to harihareswara.net, and we'll have fewer problems from now on (I hope) with the server being all YOU CAN'T POST THAT IT'S SPAMMY. To kick things off: now that I've seen the subject line "such a strong positive effect on your dude-pole," I'll be hard-pressed to avoid using "dude-pole" in mixed company.